Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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