mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
