so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No subtext here. People are naked.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
