all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
