Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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