Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
