I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
