I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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