haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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