the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
