he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
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Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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