We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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