Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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