I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
