I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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