so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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