Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
