these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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