just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
