Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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