My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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