I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
