last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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