Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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