On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
