JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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