I will die if light touches me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
