Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
im on a boat
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