My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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