Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
