I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
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Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize