My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
