OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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