I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
