So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
