Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
