You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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