i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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