Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
