I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
