I wish my penis had an off switch
I checked into jail on foursquare
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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