i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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