I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
