even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
