god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
