Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
