i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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