Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
