I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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