no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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