Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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