In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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