Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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