Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
