What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize