i don't like sucking hair
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm too high and old for this...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
