Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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