wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
