At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just want to make out with him forever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Text me some of your sweat
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