Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
