You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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