I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"