found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
