i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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