This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
