Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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