Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
