You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
