Yo dont text me then not text me
from now on my penis is your penis
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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