who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
